488 | Transform Your Marriage Into Your Greatest Business Asset with Austin Holt
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Austin Holt 0:00
I have found that a lot of guys, if they're struggling in business, it's because they're struggling in their marriage. If you're a man or woman listening to this podcast, and your first or second highest value if it's marriage, but you're only winning in your business and not winning in your marriage, that inside, lack of continuity is going to make it hard for you to create success, because you won't want to take it home to your marriage. And this is why entrepreneurs, if they're married, they have to be focused on their marriage, because it's the greatest catalyst
Chaz Wolfe 0:25
they have. What's up driven to win nation. Chaz Wolf, I'm your host, coming to you from a little different perspective today. Whoo, we've got in a different studio, and we've got a whole brand new topic here today. Yes, and whole brand new guest, yes, actually, Austin Holt joins us here. Actually, I'm joining him in his studio for our first in person,
Austin Holt 0:48
driven to win podcast. Oh, man, yes. Number one, I
Chaz Wolfe 0:51
appreciate you doing this. For those of you that don't know, Austin, I may have already said this in the in the previous intro that we did, but if we recorded it twice, is no big deal. Austin and Rachel Holt run a a marriage group called CCM, or a conscious Christian marriage. And this man is talented far beyond just his certifications that he owns or that he had he has in marriage, but that's how we know them. We've We've done some work with Austin and Rachel. They've come in to some of our events and hosted other couples and families from all across the country to level up their marriage. And Austin and Rachel are incredible at that. But other parts of his background, he's owns multiple businesses, has a real estate portfolio, has experience with all kinds of different industries, kind of similar to me, in that way where it's like, we've got a little, just a little tad bit of everything. We
Austin Holt 1:39
got a good Venn diagram. That's
Chaz Wolfe 1:40
right. Yeah, that's right. And so I just want you guys, as you're listening today, not only just to hear the marriage stuff that he's gonna give to you, because we're gonna, we're gonna weave it in and out of business here. And we didn't prepare too much here, because we like to rip, oh yeah, we do. We're just gonna go back and forth, yeah, and let Austin's experience really kind of just come out raw and natural for you guys. And so we just appreciate you listening in. Grab your pens and papers. We're gonna get rolling. Let's
Austin Holt 2:04
do it. Man, Thanks for, thanks for letting me be on the show.
Chaz Wolfe 2:07
Yeah. Man, this is long overdue. I know, I know, but I was just waiting for you to invite me to your studio. I know, I know it. Just wait till the the second studio is done. Hey, yo, and then your studio will be done in this Yeah, then we're gonna all have studios. We're gonna be
Austin Holt 2:19
the students. Dudes, we should buy that domain right now. Students, no one, buy that. Don't
Chaz Wolfe 2:23
do it. Don't do it. I get asked the question often by entrepreneurs, especially high level entrepreneurs Austin, how do I balance my business, my family, my marriage, my health, right? And you're familiar with gathering the Kings at this point, you're familiar with many of our clients. In fact, many of our clients have worked with you guys. And this idea of winning in all areas is something that we talk about often. As a certified marriage coach, as someone who has run multiple businesses, who someone's got a successful marriage, you've got four young kids. Like, if I could say there's a lot going on in your world, there's a lot going on in your world, what does that balance like when someone says, Ah, how do I do that? What's the very first thing that comes to your mind? Very
Austin Holt 3:05
first thing, and, by the way, thank you for all the kind words, man, appreciate you. The very first thing that comes to my mind is, really, it's intentionality, you know, like it's, if you you've got to approach your marriage like you approach your business, right? You approach your business with strategy, with intentionality, with, you know, with pragmatic systems in place that are already proven to work, right? I think a lot of guys, they've got a business mind, and they don't take their business mind and give it to their marriage, right? So, like, if you got a problem in your in your business, what do you do? You investigate it. You look for KPIs, right? You you look at the systems you're using, or the systems you're not using. Okay, we'll talk about that here in a little bit. But if you don't have good systems, if you don't have good parameters, good frameworks, good guard rails, all those things, your business is gonna fail, right? Or it's only gonna get to a certain level, right? Business can't scale. You can't study it. You can't make educated decisions or hypothesis. You're just guessing about everything. Maybe marriage is the same way, you know, it's like we work with people all the time, where they've got marriage issues, and we're working them through it. They realize they don't have shared values, they don't have vision, they don't have mission, they don't have agreements. Okay? They run their marriage on expectations, and if you just have expectations of your employees, they're typically going to do a terrible job. Yeah, okay, a job description is an agreement, not an expectation. It is if you want to work here, here's your job description. Oh, and by the way, here's your performance appraisal document. Okay? And so that's the scorecard, right? So not only do we have an agreement, but we have accountability, right? So Rachel and I in our marriage and with what we do with CCM, but we've helped you and Julie, other people in GTK is, well, here's the agreements that run your marriage, here's the actual accountability measures we put in place to make sure that we do it. So I think again, intentionality, planning, strategy, you can't wing it, you know, like you can't wing marriage, you know, like you can wing cooking a steak. I wouldn't recommend it, you know? Yeah, I wouldn't either. You might waste it, you know. But you can wing a lot of things, but you can't wing a marriage. You can't wing a business, yeah? You know, this
Chaz Wolfe 4:52
is interesting because you you assumed that the listener has strategy and order and on all these things in their business. Right, that's right, yeah. But how many times do we see entrepreneurs winging their business? Also, 80% of the time, yeah. And so how, how do we take this disorder, right? Like that? Because that's really what it is. Entrepreneurs in general, are just disorderly, yeah? And that's okay. There's, there's ways to to overcome that. But what I just heard you say is that you don't often, right? You don't just solely go to hear the strategies in the business or in this area than the marriage that we need to up level. Yeah, it might be things in your life, slash business, that need to get fixed. Yes, unto serving the marriage. Can you talk about
Austin Holt 5:31
that first? Yeah, yeah. So I think we could easily put almost everything we talked about today into two buckets. Like you said. One, it's probably an issue in the business that needs addressed. Okay? The other one is probably a issue between the spouse the spouses, right? And so what was your main question there in that most
Chaz Wolfe 5:48
people might think that, oh, shoot, my marriage, and let's dissect my marriage, right? But when you start getting into, especially with entrepreneurs, how impactful is a disorderly business? Yeah, right, you know some of those things,
Austin Holt 5:59
yeah, it's huge. I mean, both of those things are probably equally, you know, responsible, right? It's like, if your business does not have the capability to give you time, and even like, you know, we know all businesses takes time, money and energy, and it pays out time, money and energy, right? If your business is not set up in a way to where you can even have good money, time, energy come out of the machine, well, then you're going to set yourself up to fail no matter what you know. And so this is why it's so important. Like, for those of you who are listening today, you know, like GTK, like gathering the kings that Chaz runs organizations like this are imperative for you to be in, because if what you know now probably got you to where you're at and where you want to go, usually requires information you're missing. That's why the mastermind approach works so well. And so we work with couples all the time where it's like, well, yeah, I don't have time. I can't be with my spouse. And and when I hear someone say, I can't be with my spouse, my business takes all my time. The business doesn't make enough money for me to step away, all I'm hearing is, well, you just don't have a plan that's working yet. And and people have gone way before you to figure this out. Like, business is not that hard, okay, you just got to meet with people that have done it. They have the tools, they have the systems, they have the knowledge, trust them, implement, commit all that, and it'll work. That's a huge part of it. It you're setting yourself up to fail in your marriage from the beginning. If you're an entrepreneur, and the cost and the payoff isn't working, right? Like, what's the point of being an entrepreneur or a business owner, if the payoffs not worth the cost? You know, it's kind of the funny saying, like, you know, an entrepreneur will quit their, you know, $100,000 a year, job 40 hours a week, to work 80 hours a week and make 50,000 you know, or whatever the saying is, but it's so true, right? And so that's a huge piece of it. But then over here, on in the other bucket, there's probably a lot of things between the two people of the marriage, because a lot of times what couples want to do is they want to say, well, we might have a broken marriage, or our marriage might be kind of disconnected, or our marriage might be kind of on the rocks, or our marriage is like a five out of 10. We use the term marriage really powerfully, but it's kind of like there's no such thing as a marriage. Like, a marriage is just two people, right? The marriage is the people. Like, a lot of times couples are like, well, they talk about the marriage like it's this third thing, yeah, but we always say there's no such thing as broken marriage. There's just one or two broken people, right? It's a lot of times like, well, our marriage isn't doing great, but everything else is great over here, and we're just going to kind of keep going, well, the marriage is just the amalgam, or the total sum of its two parts, right? And so I have found that a lot of guys, even if they're struggling in business, it's because they're struggling in their marriage, you know? And so it's like if, especially if you're the if you're a man or woman listening to this podcast, and you're one of your highest values, whether that be faith, whatever, but your first or second highest value, if it's marriage, but you're only winning in your business and not winning in your marriage, that inside, lack of continuity is going to make it hard for you to create success, because you won't want to take it home to your marriage, right? Because you say it's that important. This is a huge shift. Is I'll work with people, and they'll say, Well, my marriage is my top priority, but they know it's actually not so then when they they limit their they sabotage their ability to win in their business, because they know if they take it home, their spouse isn't going to be impressed. They're gonna be like, I don't care that you made 10,000 care that you made $10,000 today. You aren't doing well. We aren't doing well, so that's cool. You made 10 grand today, but you said we'd be number one. I feel like I'm number 23456, so it doesn't matter to me. Now, if you're the kind of person that actually doesn't value your marriage at a high level, well then yeah, you might be able to create a ton of success, because then you're not out of alignment. But if, if you say your marriage is number one and it's not, you'll be out of alignment, and then you will sabotage your business because of that, you know, so
Chaz Wolfe 9:27
interesting, because you just described Chaz 1012, years ago. We've been married for almost 17 years, and so probably five or so years in, we bought our first business and and I was a hopeless romantic before business and super intentional. And, you know, Valentine's Days, and I just, you know, showered Julie with attention and love and and then all of that energy went into my business, yeah, and, and I still said that family was important to me, my marriage, and then, and then later, kids. But thank goodness, actually, for me, because Julie never even though she felt 234, Or five, however many businesses I had, really, what the difference was? She never, she never reciprocated in that way. Yeah, she kind of just let me figure it out eventually to where I was like, Oh, wow. Like, I say this, but I don't do it, yeah, very well, right? And so, but you're right. There's contention in many homes, and there was in our home too. It wasn't like she was just, you know, like, Hey, do whatever you want. There was contention because I wasn't putting intentional effort in there, like you were saying, How so, so we've, what we've just kind of covered is oftentimes, as an entrepreneur specifically, yeah, the problem in the marriage might be that the attention is either too much in the business or because you had lack systems or order, order, or could be a business problem, a business problem. What about the reverse? You kind of hinted at it. And we talked about this pretty heavily on one of our last events, how the marriage is actually the ultimate mastermind. Yeah, and the marriage itself then spills over into the business. And even though I was successful and had lots of businesses and was making a good amount of money, when I turned this way to Julie and really started focusing on that man, everything else started to explode even more. Can you talk about that experience? Yeah, your
Austin Holt 11:03
marriage is your highest point of leverage. Okay, you know, if you're a faith driven person, you know, I believe that my faith is my my highest point of leverage, but my second highest point of leverage for sure. And I think one and two go very hand in hand, yeah, is, is my marriage, you know? And so because I've chosen to traverse life with a co pilot, okay, you know a lot of people, and we call like, your person, yeah, she's my person. Like, yeah, there isn't another That's right. And because I've chosen to traverse life, which we look at this imagery of, like, going back home, okay, I've chosen to do this journey from this point back home, okay, whatever the end looks like, I've chosen to do that with a person. And because of that, that means that everything that we do, we are co creating together, right? And so she knows me better than anyone, okay? She knows my heart better than anyone. The way that she believes in me encourages me, etc, fuels me more than anything. And again, because I say it's my highest priority, if she and I aren't good and I'm out of alignment, it's very difficult for me to win outside of the home, okay, because I know that in my integrity is off, okay, and integrity spills into every area, okay? And it's important for everyone to understand integrity does not mean positive moral character. Integrity means oneness with our values, okay? And so that, again, that's the power of alignment, right? So when Rachel and I are in flow, and I know that I'm honoring my duty to love her, serve her, honor all those things. It empowers me on a totally different level. And so it's like, I'm less distracted, I'm more focused, you know, and it's like everyone else in the world can believe in me. And I'm like, Man, that's cool, but it's like, but when Rachel's championing me, it's just like, yeah, like, when she looks at me, she's like, get him. I'm like, Oh, it's over. But if other people are like, Oh, hey, be the top salesman or be the top performer, because you'll get a plaque or a trophy or an accolade or something in your email signature, I'm like, I'm good, you know, like, I've been there. Like, it's cool, whatever. But within when Rachel's like, hey, like, I know you can do it. Like, I believe in you, like, and like, because you're in such a place of high integrity with me and our marriage, then I believe you can do that in every other area of your life, you know. We kind of call that like the overflow, right? Like Rachel and I look at marriage like a container, you know. And so when our container is good and it's filled with epic things, our cup overflows, and that overflow spills into parenting, business, wealth, health, friendships, community, fun, you name it. Yeah, so, you know, and again, to the mastermind principle, Rachel has a view into me. No one has, you know, there's some people like you that know me super well that you could, you could give me a you could give me advice that I 100% disagree with. And I will think about it day and night for a long time, because I respect you. Yeah, you're but you're part of, like, this tiny bucket of people I feel that way with. But then here's you, and here's Rachel, right? Rachel has this ability to look at me and almost like tilt her head sideways, and I know what she's saying. And yes, yes, ma'am, yes, my love, you know, as you wish you know. And that's a Princess Bride quote, but, um, you know. And so it's the ultimate mastermind, because she has this way with me, you know, not just having her way with me, but she has this way with me, you know, of she knows my heart. She can see things about me. No one can see because she has perspective on me. No one has Yeah, and so when she helps me reflect, introspect, think about how I'm showing up, it affects me. It moves the needle in a different way. And this is why entrepreneurs have to if they're married, they have to be focused on their marriage, because it's the greatest catalyst they have.
Chaz Wolfe 14:23
Yeah, you know that you just kind of hinted at it a little bit, but you know the the power that she has to push you, motivate you, challenge you, encourage you, love you. No one else has that. I mean, I can come alongside you. I can Jerry a little bit. I can I can root you on. I can challenge you as a man, but it won't be anything like her to your to your point here, and that's how it should be like, when I, when I've really stepped back and realized that, you know, they joke like, Okay, well, I'm the head of the house and but she's the next she turns it either way. And that's kind of funny and all, but it's like, Man, I actually want her 100% not only have the power, but to know that she has the power. Yep, that's right. Because I, I feel like. When Julie has stepped into knowing, like, truly, that whatever she does say, I will go do Yeah, because it's my honor, that's right. I would just love to do that. Yeah. And then once she recognizes that actually, my heart's desire isn't to necessarily achieve or to make, you know, more money or build businesses, yes, all those things are kind of like the results of that. But really what I want to do whatever she wants. Yeah, that's right. And just fill in the gap, you know? And so I'm gonna hit you with a little bit off the cuff here. I want you to give me, I don't know, like, 234, things. Like, if someone's listening right now, they're like, Dude, I just know that my business is ruining my marriage, or I feel like my marriage is falling apart. My business is tugging on me, pulling on me. I for sure, don't have time to work out. Don't even talk about me about health and faith and all these other things. But give me those two or three things that just maybe I'll just like right off the cuff. What do I need to start doing? Yeah, in my marriage or business?
Austin Holt 15:51
Yeah. Well, number one, you have to create a culture in your marriage where you are not withholding, you're telling the truth, and that every single day, you have an opportunity to check in with each other and get an update on where you're at, okay, give an example, so like, If your marriage is being ruined, okay, if that's the language in this context, I know you've had this question from guys a million times, then the first thing that needs to happen is to sit down with your wife, look her dead in the eye, and say, I want to know in every detail possible if your assessment is our marriage is being ruined by my business, by entrepreneurship, by whatever that looks like. I want to know every single detail. I want to know what it looks like. You have to you have to assess your problem before you can solve it. We there's, there's got to be a culture of honesty, integrity, communication, clarity, okay, which, you know, foundationally below that. It's like if you don't know the the values your marriage stands for, if you don't know the vision, think Hoshin Conry, just like in business values, vision, mission, right? If you don't know that, if you don't know the scorecard of your marriage, if you don't know the guiding principles of the marriage, you're never gonna know if you're off track or not. So step one, if that's happening, if you're listening today, and that's happening for you, you need to have a deep down eye to eye assessment, like I want to know the state of the marriage, how I can shift, how we can shift, so that we both get what we want out of this marriage. I don't believe in compromise. I believe in win, wins. I believe that God made every couple, every component of a couple smart enough, creative enough to, okay, here's what you want, here's what I want. Let's both get what we want, right? Rachel and I have never, ever had a standstill compromise, where she won and I lost and or I won and she lost because you said something powerful earlier, about, like, I just want what she wants. Right? In our culture, we've ruined the word sacrifice, and so a lot of times, like, well, you have to sacrifice for your spouse. I don't necessarily agree, if we're using the modern term sacrifice. Sacrifice actually means to make something holy. It means to honor it. Okay? The difference between respect and honor is, when I honor you, Chaz, my life changes because of you. I would change a habit that's called honoring you, okay? If I honor Chaz, I'm gonna take on one of your qualities. If I respect you, that's a gift for you. Okay? That means like I give you due respect that you deserve inherently and as a high performer, but to honor you means I would shape something in my life after you. And so I believe with sacrifice, we're actually making something holy. We're honoring it. And so if I ever have to shift something I want so that Rachel gains, that's my honor, that's an investment. So if you're the kind of person that's thinking, Oh, I just have to sacrifice, I have to sacrifice my business for my spouse, well, how about you're investing your business in your spouse, okay, a victim. Word is sacrifice. In that light, a creator, a king word, okay, a king word is, I invest in my wife by serving her, because I just want what she wants, right? And then when I support my wife, she supports me, the byproduct of that powerful synergy together is everything else I want. It's the freedom to go build businesses, right? Like it's the energy to go sell, right? It's the energy to lead teams. Okay, so step one, you got to sit down and have an assessment what's going on. You have to be as the business owner, whether this is the masculine or feminine. Listening today. You have to have the humility and the courage to sit down, ask the questions, listen, well, okay, maybe swallow a little bit of pride and go, okay, like, and then you claim 100% responsibility, period. End of story. Blaming won't help you. No one likes to receive blame. You can only claim responsibility. So you take responsibility for the state of the marriage. And then we say, Okay, I'll take like, I believe me, as the man I it ultimately comes down to me. The buck actually stops with me. A lot of people say that. They don't mean it, but the buck actually stops with me. And so I'm gonna say, all right, Rach, if we're, if we're struggling, if we're, if we're not where we want to be, it's all on me. 100% okay? And you know, Spider Man's uncle, he once said, With great power comes great responsibility. I believe the opposite. With great responsibility comes great power. Yeah, so I'll take responsibility, and now I'm gonna go, Okay, how do we rebuild this? That's step one. Step two, you have to have a business that works, right? So like, if you're sitting there thinking my business is ruining my marriage, what that's telling me is you don't have time, you don't have money, you don't have leverage, you don't have resources, you don't have. Energy. They feel stuck. Yep, you feel stuck. You come home, you're dead, you're tired, you're broke, all those things. So then you have nothing for your spouse. Sometimes we call that token management. You spent all your tokens throughout the day, your money tokens, energy tokens. You might be work is depressing you, because you're not winning. So then you're scrolling videos on your phone. You cannot win in business without a mastermind. You cannot win in business without a team of people. And Chaz did not ask me to do this, but I'm gonna make sure I'm super clear on this. If you're not winning in your business, you need to check out gathering the kings. You have to check out a group of like minded people that share the same values, that want the same things. There's nothing like objectivity from other people that are also winning if you do not have that. I've coached people now in business for over 10 years as well. And the people who lose the quickest are the ones that think they're an island. If you think you can do it on your I mean, there's a unicorn of unicorns, of unicorns can figure this thing out in their basement on a laptop alone. Don't let people sell you on that. It just considered impossible. You need a team of people around you. Yeah, okay. Your business has to work. So if your business is not supporting your marriage, your business isn't working, and that's either because you are lovingly ignorant of what it takes, or your model doesn't work. Yeah, okay, if you're selling a $13 product with a $2 margin, you better be really freaking good at it to make a lot of money. Like your model probably doesn't work, you know? Or if you're working 16 hours, if everything you do is service based, and you don't have a way to scale the jobs coming in, the way that you service that work, the way that you everything your business probably isn't going to work. Okay, so speak before
Chaz Wolfe 21:33
we move on. Speaking, yeah, speak on the mindset of that individual. Because before, like, I was scaling, I bought and started seven edible arrangements in four years, zero to five, plus million dollars in revenue in my 20s. It was an incredible like, wow, look at this guy. But, but because my belief was that maybe my value or hard work like was equivalent to like, I can't work hard unless I'm actually physically, like putting in time, yeah? And I just helped somebody in the group kind of overcome this as well. But my value was associated to clock in, clock out, kind of time, yeah. And so it might be the model, like I need to either charge different or maybe change the business altogether. Or could be like me, I had a great business, but I just felt like I had to be there all the time, or that I needed to do the next thing when all I really needed to do was just be present with my wife, right? Yeah, at that time I put my phone away, yeah, because I had created the systems this, the model was working, but my mind was still stuck over here. Talk about that for a second. Yeah.
Austin Holt 22:33
I mean, part of that is shifting your mindset to believe that your business can only be run a certain way, right? You know? And you could call that mindset, call that the model, whatever. But if it's I want everyone listening today to understand there's probably a better way to do what you're doing. You just don't know it yet. Yeah, and the good news is, there's probably hundreds or 1000s of other people that are doing it better than you, and why not learn from them? Yeah, that's where something like GTK comes into play, where you can actually learn from people who their mindset finally said, Okay, I'm tired of this clock in, clock out method. Okay, I'm equating my value from, well, I got to work at six and I left at seven, like I put in 13 hours for my family today, to, I wonder how I could do 13 hours in four hours and be more profitable, you know? And so there's a high likelihood that someone's doing it better than you, and that's a good thing no matter what level you're at, you know? I mean, there's scales of economy that just are wild, you know. And so take advantage of the fact that other people have probably forged a path before you, and if you are willing to shift your mindset away from maybe the older school model of time at work equates to success, right? Okay, it's like, you know, you have to decide for yourself the scorecard for your business, right? Like, is it paying you in time, money, energy, and at what ratio and but that has to support the marriage, because without the marriage, if you're married, without the marriage, the business won't win. The business will always you'll be the bottleneck. That will be the bottlenecking problem of your business is your intimate relationships, your marriage, your kids. Yeah, everything, yeah.
Chaz Wolfe 24:02
Okay. So number one, we talked about your
Austin Holt 24:06
good Yeah, yeah. Number one, sitting down, having an assessment, looking your spouse in the eye, being honest, listening take full responsibility for the state of the marriage. So now you can move into a position of, okay, how
Chaz Wolfe 24:15
do we rebuild? Number two, we're looking at the business. Yeah. Look model, yeah. Look at the business.
Austin Holt 24:19
The model makes it. Make sure it makes sense. Because if you're listening to this today, you're probably someone who cares more about their life than the average person, which means you're probably relatively smart, innovative, like, forward thinking. You probably want to serve people. Yeah, if your model is not serving your family, if it's not giving you the time, money and energy that you want out of it, you're probably just doing it a little bit wrong. Maybe a lot of it wrong, but maybe a little bit wrong. Get help with that. Okay, get in a mastermind, which is so simple, when you say it like that, I know if you can sit at a table surrounded by 10 or 12 people that can help you evaluate every aspect of what you're doing, that's a time machine. Yes, you could figure it out on your own. But why figure it out over 1012, 1520, years when maybe you could figure. Out over a year or a weekend, right? Yeah. And
Chaz Wolfe 25:03
is there a number three? Oh, man. There's
Austin Holt 25:05
so many number three, I would say man. Number three is you have to make your marriage a lifestyle, you know, for most people, so you have identity and lifestyle, okay, one of the biggest incongruences People can find themselves in is when their lifestyle doesn't match their identity. Okay? So, like, if you're a a businessman who loves his wife and his kids, like, if you're a great husband, great father or great great wife, great mother, great businessman, great business woman, whatever, that's your identity, right? Well, your your lifestyle. When you're in integrity, your lifestyle matches that, which means you audit everything you do, every place you go, every dollar you spend. I should be able to pull open your bank statements, in your calendar, your text messages, your Instagram discover feed. I should be I should be able to get on Google Chrome on your computer, press Control H, which is history. I should be able to look at all those things without knowing anything about you and know everything about you. Yeah, okay, well, you would
Chaz Wolfe 26:04
exactly, you would know exactly, exactly about the real them,
Austin Holt 26:07
yeah? Because I'd be like, Oh, look, Chad, spent $39 at edible arrangements.
Chaz Wolfe 26:12
Spent $27 today. I bought the US Constitution. Yes, I have a copy
Austin Holt 26:17
of it. Hold on, it's on that shelf right there, yeah, yep, yep, right here. So good week. But yeah, Tiktok shop, baby. I know, right, dude, yeah. So essentially, you have to be willing to audit, okay, you got to be willing to look at, okay, if I'm going to be an incredible business person and incredible spouse, it's got to be my lifestyle, right? Okay? And I'm not saying you can never go do anything, go to a chiefs game, or go play a video game or something like that. Okay, you know, fine. However, if your lifestyle doesn't match your identity, then there is a cognitive dissonance there. Okay, there's a discrepancy there. There's some type of gap there that you're not you're not crossing. It's you're out of integrity and alignment in a big way, right? I should again be able to look at all those things and know everything about you. I should be able to look at your bank statements, your calendar, and go, huh? This is a guy, that man. He is obsessed with his business, he's obsessed with his wife, he's obsessed with his kids, he's obsessed with fitness, he's obsessed with this faith. He's obsessed with serving other people. Huh? This must be a high integrity businessman who loves his wife and his kids and loves serving people, I should be able to reverse engineer that from your lifestyle. So that means it's being willing to look at everything you do from the time you wake up to the time you go to bed. Okay? It's like back in the day, when we were doing a lot of sales coaching or helping guys get started, we always called it 330 Okay, which was, If your business isn't winning, you make 300 sales calls in 30 days period, end of story, okay? And if it's not working, then we've got to make it work, right? And so, you know, a lot of these guys, they would cut out all the bull crap, all the nonsense they I mean, no chiefs, games, no video games, no TV, no nonsense. Okay, no scrolling. Instagram. It was, I'm gonna make 300 sales calls in 30 days, and 99.97% of the time. If someone actually did that, they would get a huge tidal wave of revenue in their business, and we'd use that to get the momentum right. So what mattered to them became their lifestyle. You can't be a great tennis player if you're landscaping all day. Yeah, you know. And so I believe that's the same thing. So if you're thinking, okay, my business might be ruining your marriage, okay, is your business? Is your marriage a lifestyle? Okay? Is it a hobby, or is it a lifestyle? Your business can't be a hobby. I know a lot of business hobbyists. They're trying to sell me the $13 thing, right? You know, they're part part time film, or they're part time with 17 things, right? They're a hobbyist. You have to be a lifestyle list. I don't know if that's a phrase, but a lifestyle
Chaz Wolfe 28:48
makes sense when you say lifestyle, I think of like the in the reverse of what you were just saying, not a hobbyist in their business, but someone who's all in and obsessed, and I've kind of forgotten about the other pieces, right? But what that means is that I'm not living the lifestyle of marriage or, that's right, I'm saying it's important to me or my family, whatever, but I'm not actually doing it out of, out of integrity, of course, but that Okay, so we've, we've made them aware. They're, they're acknowledged, right? Of like, Okay, wow, I'm, you're right. My lifestyle doesn't match what I say. My obsession is, yeah, what do I do? You do things
Austin Holt 29:20
differently than the way you've done them. For example, okay? And again, this is a shameless plug that Chaz did not ask me to make. But every year, we do this thing called the Family mastermind. Okay, you take this business, you're obsessed with this family, you're obsessed with, oh, and you put it in greater okay, we do this trip every year called The Family mastermind, where we go to a beautiful place and we learn about business, we learn about marriage, we learn about parenting, health, wealth, all these epic things, and we bring our family with us. And it's awesome. Okay, it's learning how to bring your family into the business world. Bring the business world into your family at whatever level. You and your spouse, you know, have agreements around, right? But it means being able to audit what you're doing. Because, like you said, Okay, people are aware now, how do what do they do next? Right? Get around the right people, the people in your tribe, the people in your circle, the people in your community, they will be the, the absolute most important factor to you, moving the needle or not. If you're surrounded by people that are just echoing, Hey, be lazy. Be dependent. Oh yeah, your spouse is just crazy. Don't worry about what they think. Or, you know, America's in a state of disarray, like that's why your business is failing. If you're in this negative echo chamber, don't expect anything different. You'll never rise up out of that place. If that's what you want to be being around high quality people who will help keep you accountable, help you understand discipline. You have to have inspiration. You have to be around people that actually inspire you to be better. Okay? And so if you're listening this podcast today and you're like, what's my next step? I would call chess. Okay, I would get on, I would get on the phone with someone at GTK and say, here's who I am, here's where I'm at, here's my marriage is that, here's where my business is at. What do you guys recommend? Because success leaves clues. Okay, only learn from people you want to be like, this
Chaz Wolfe 31:00
does this blow your mind? It just seems so easy when you say it like that. Yeah, that's right, you know. But it's like,
Austin Holt 31:06
but what blows my mind is, how many people take advice from people they don't actually want to be like, Yeah, you know? Well, I
Chaz Wolfe 31:11
think that's being again, honest with themselves around I'm doing this, but saying this and, oh, look, I'm getting this result. Yeah, it's a result that I was getting of Julie, who literally said I felt like a single parent for me for a few years. Like, yeah, what are you talking about? I was there. I put our kids down every night to bed. Like, I haven't missed nights. What are you talking about, right?
Austin Holt 31:32
She felt like a single parent that way. Yeah, what? That's
Chaz Wolfe 31:35
crazy. So it's like, when you when you can have that acknowledgement, and we're like, okay, so what do I do? Well, I need to start aligning my time with the things that I say that are important. Okay, so you've, you've given a lot of praise to gather in the kings. Thank you for that. I appreciate that. But I want you to talk about the things that you work with, you know, inside of, inside of your community, sure, with the couples that you work with, because I know you do one on one, two on two, you've got a community for, yeah, for really, just high level marriages. It's not, it's not, it's not baby talk, yeah, it's not milk, yeah, for sure, but, but someone listening this far into a show like this isn't looking for milk. And so give us what, like, maybe what they could expect from working with you guys, or even being a part of your community, whether they came to one of our events or not. But what's what does not milk look like? Yeah, not
Austin Holt 32:24
milk number one, again, like I was just saying not milk looks like community, right? It looks like being around people who are actually going to hold you accountable. Okay? And a lot of times, you know, people try to talk about free accountability. Free accountability doesn't work. It just doesn't, you know, like when someone's like, well, get an accountability partner, right? It's like, okay, all right, I messed up on this. Or what, you know, like, what's gonna actually happen to me, you know? And so when you're actually paying for accountability, things change 10 times faster. Number one, but the meat looks like in relationships, number one, being able to claim responsibility for everything we experience. Okay? It's the kind of person that shifts from blame to responsibility. Okay, I'm not gonna blame my spouse for the condition of our marriage. I'm gonna claim it so I can change it, right? It looks like living by agreements instead of expectations. Because, you know, we help couples realize you cannot get upset with your spouse about an expectation ever, even what might be just a general assumption, okay, if someone didn't agree to it and you get upset, okay? Then you're you're getting upset with them unjustly because they never said they would do that. Okay, it looks like realizing that you're probably projecting the very things you withhold from yourself is probably what you're withholding from your spouse. If you're impatient with your spouse, you're probably impatient on with yourself. For example, you come home from work, you're a little critical of your spouse, and if you're in our program, you understand the language, and so like, if I come home, and if I'm if I'm short with Rachel, she might say to me, Hey, honey, I'm noticing that you're being a little short with me. How was your day? And I'm automatically getting to, Oh, I I must be feeling down about myself. Maybe I didn't think I was productive today. I didn't think I won today the way I wanted, and now I'm projecting a little bit on Rachel. Maybe I'm being critical of her. Okay, so it's learning that the very things you don't give your spouse are probably things you don't give you, which makes you realize, okay, we teach couples how to see the mirror. There's a mirror in your spouse to yourself, yeah, and until you realize that the mirror will always be there and it'll run the show. Okay, you
Chaz Wolfe 34:19
said something. You said, what you're not giving your spouse, you're probably not giving yourself
Austin Holt 34:25
Exactly, yeah. How could I forgive you if I don't know what forgiveness feels like, yeah? How could I love you if I Don't Know What Love feels
Chaz Wolfe 34:31
like? The person listening right now, guy or gal, and they're like, Yeah, my marriage is stressed right now. Would you say that that should, like, turn their focus? Because naturally, right? What do we think about? We think about, well, Julie's not doing this, and Julie's not doing that, and and she's automatically thinking, Chad is not doing this and Chad not doing that, right in those stressful, like, strained moments. But what you just said was,
Austin Holt 34:51
yep, right back to me, right? Yeah.
Chaz Wolfe 34:55
And what I'm not giving Julie in that moment, well, first off, am I even willing to see. Yeah, I'm not giving her. And then figure out, okay, well, how am I not getting that throughout the day? Do I not have anybody pouring into me? Do I not have a mentor coach? Do I just need some peace and quiet, right? Do I need some think time? Yeah, that's right. Do I need to turn on some worship music or just drive somewhere with nothing? That's right. What you
Austin Holt 35:16
won't give you, you won't give her, okay? Because your psyche is protecting you in a lot of ways, and so your psyche generally won't let you love someone more than you love yourself, because that would threaten its own survival. Okay, like, well, I don't want to love someone else more than me, because then I could put their needs so much higher above my own that I could just die. So now people will, they'll have certain habits and tendencies, okay, where it's actually more manipulative, actually more narcissistic than anything to try to get attention, and that's a little bit different. But generally, I won't give Rachel what I withhold from me and what I disown in me, I will see in her, okay? If I cannot see that I'm being critical, I'll tell her she's being critical. Okay, let me just call that projection, right? It happens all the time, but what I won't give myself, I typically won't give her. So a big part of what that the meat looks like, the non milk is it's, it's learning to look at everything through the lens of myself before my spouse, period. Okay? Another piece is which kind of goes along with that is just the stories that we tell. Okay? Like in a cognitive model, right? All of our behaviors dictated by emotions. Emotions are dictated by beliefs and values that we carry unconsciously. Those are dictated by our trauma, our nature and our nurture, so we have all these formative experiences, then those dictate our beliefs, right? And those beliefs will then create emotions, and those emotions will help drive behavior, right? And so if I tell myself a story that Rachel's upset with me, okay, and I don't know that's true, okay, then I'll start to treat her in a way that's I'm already being defensive, that she's upset with me, so then I'm gonna act in a way that doesn't match, right? So then she's gonna be like, Why are you acting that way? And be like, See, you're upset with me. You just try to create the scenario Exactly. And she's like, I wasn't upset with you. And I'm like, Yeah, you were. And it's like, now I've created the upset, right? Because I told myself the story. We're responsible for our stories. Okay? It's like, think about any stranger you've ever seen, ever this is the essence of judgment. Judgment is not about whether it's right, wrong, good, bad, evil, this, yada yada. It's intent. It's the reason behind everything. If I'm judging someone, it means I'm making up a story about why they're that way. Homeless person, right, necessarily, with the what exactly you see a homeless person, and you might make up a story about why they're there. Well, oh, they're there because they're addicted to drugs. Oh, they're there because they're a wounded war veteran. Oh, actually, that kind of looks like a pastor faking it just to see how people treat them. Like I could make up any story I want, and then that story that I make up is going to dictate how I feel about it. This is so rampant in marriage, okay? And I want to say another thing too. Well, you said a second ago. Made me think of this. You have to love yourself enough to do the work, okay? Like, whether it's growing a massively successful business or a massively successful marriage, you have to love yourself enough to believe you're worth the hard work, because it is hard work. Yeah, okay, laptop lifestyle and all this craps been taught for years. And yes, it's possible you have businesses. I've had businesses that make money from a laptop. Yes, that is possible, but it is hard work, and if you don't think you're worth it, you won't do the hard work, right? And you definitely won't submit yourself to the leadership of other people, because jealousy and inspiration are a thin line apart from each other, and the main deciding factor as to whether, like, if you see a great human being, a great man, a great woman, whether you're gonna be jealous or inspired by them, comes down to one thing, do I love myself enough to be inspired? See, if you guys notice here, chaz's biceps, they're a little bigger than mine. Here, let's, let's see. Okay, look at that. Yeah, see, yeah. Okay, all right, so Chaz biceps are bigger than mine. Well, we should probably take a vote. It seems unclear. It's really
Chaz Wolfe 38:41
close. Yeah, it's really about as close as this election. I
Austin Holt 38:43
knew that was coming. Thank you. But, but, because I love myself, I can look at Chaz and be like, dude, I'm inspired by your biceps. Okay, if I didn't love myself, I'd be like, jealous, and then I project on him and be like, such a meathead gym rat. You know, he probably doesn't even see his wife because he's in the gym all the time making up stories. We do this in our marriage, but because I love myself enough, because I know I'm worthy, okay, because there's a belief in my faith that dictates that there's a cognitive belief that I carry that dictates that I love myself enough to be inspired by Chaz versus jealous of him. And so to make your marriage really successful, to make your business successful, we teach this concept a lot. You have to believe you're worthy of the hard work. Okay? It's like you have to believe it. You have to see yourself as the as a dented up Ferrari, okay, that you are worth the hard work of fixing all those dents. If you see yourself as a, you know, dented up Gremlin, okay, which is an old GMC car. If anyone knows what a gremlin is, please comment below, because I'd be impressed. But if you think of yourself as a dented up Gremlin that's worth nothing, you won't fix all the dents, you won't take care of the paint, you won't go get maintenance done. You won't pop the hood and hear the scary noise that might cost a lot of money. Yeah. Okay. All of your behavior will come from identity. Okay. You have to see yourself as. I am worth the hard work. Like if you sit down with your spouse and say, Hey, I'd like to know every nitty gritty detail, how am I doing? You have to love yourself enough. That's called popping the hood, and now all the sounds from the engine are gonna get told to you. You have to believe I'm worth how hard this conversation might be. Just like your business, you hire a coach, you hire a consultant, you hire a mastermind to come in and like, Okay, here's my business, here's my slide deck, here's all my numbers, yep. And then all the people in the room are lovingly gonna be like, All right, let's dig. Let's dig in. And you have to love yourself enough to hear them say, Great job, not great job. Great job, not great job. And if you're willing to do that, you're willing, you get the prize. And so I would say the last thing. And of course, again, we could talk, we could talk for hours about this. The last thing that is imperative is that you have routines and that you have a schedule for your marriage. Your marriage has to be your I mean, this is for both marriage and business, right? Just like you time block in your business, time block in your marriage, okay? You mentioned earlier about, you know, maybe you might not be giving Julie time to rest because you're not giving yourself the gift of rest. If I pull up my calendar right now and put it on the screen, Rachel and I have multiple time blocks every week that says, Austin's chill. Time must do, okay? And then there one on Fridays. It says Rachel's chill time must do. And I know that if I have my chill time to myself, to refuel and recharge, okay, great leaders often then retreat to go have time to themselves, I know that I'll show up differently for Rachel. And if Rachel has time without me, without the kids to go, just do whatever she wants to do. I don't know what she's gonna go she might go get her nails done. She might go sit in the woods. We live on a farm. She might go down by the creek, or go pet the goats, or whatever she wants to do. I don't care. She knows she'll show up differently because she's showing up well for herself, right? And that stuff won't happen if you don't put it on the calendar. Yeah, okay. People laugh when they look at my calendar and I and yours, and eyes looks very similar. I laugh and I see yours. I'm like, Yeah, I know that world. But people are like, How can you live your life so rigidly? And I'm like, How can you live your life with no plan? Yeah, yeah. So flippantly, yeah, so flippantly. It's like, do you not value every minute of your life? You know, like every 60 seconds? You can experience love, you could experience miracle. You could experience grace, forgiveness, peace, patience, like so many beautiful things. So if your marriage isn't on your calendar, If your business isn't on your calendar, that definitely ain't gonna work. But if you don't have things like every single night, I have a reminder that says, Pray for your wife every single night, every single morning. I have something that says, Pray for your wife, and has my morning ignition and has all my things that I do every single night, I have the same things so I never forget them, because the most important things to us have to get done first or the tyranny of the day will take over,
Chaz Wolfe 42:50
absolutely right? You know, I was just speaking at an event last week, and I shared very similar tactics. I from stage was talking about time management, and I said, basically, if you run your life on a calendar. Then, then, great job. Then, why aren't you doing it with your marriage? I said, Well, wait a second. Raise your hand if you're running a calendar. Okay, hands go up. And for anybody brave enough, raise your hand that does not operate on a calendar. And there were people brave enough, which was great. And I looked them straight in the face, a couple 100 people, and I said, I can't even trust you that you value your time, let alone your marriage, right? That's right. And so I love the point that you've just made, which is super practical. The person listening right now not only just needs to make sure that they're more organized, but in a in a specific way, that where their calendar reflects what they're saying is important. That's right. Okay, let's, uh, let's wrap this up. We could go on for hours like you said, I
Austin Holt 43:38
know, yeah, what?
Chaz Wolfe 43:40
What do you think is okay? So, you know, let me, let me say it. Let me, let me say different. Biologically, marriage right now is strained, stressed. We know he's thinking, can I just get some Yeah, and she's like, so far from that. Yeah, her and him are listening right now, yeah, what's what's the go to for her? What's the go to for him?
Austin Holt 44:03
Oh, man, I could go everywhere on this. So first of all, from a foundational biological perspective, be healthy. Be a healthy human being. Eat, well, drink, well, move, well, supplement your body, right? Don't eat junk, okay? If you want your biological stuff to work, feed your body the fuel that it needs, okay? And I'll let you guys investigate from there. But like, you know, we do sex work with people constantly, and it's like one of the first things we say, take care of your body, okay? Like, the by a lot for the biologics to work, right, the biologics have to be fueled, right, right? It's important to understand that men connect emotionally after sex more often, women connect emotionally before sex, okay? And so if, if she's far from sex, you are in tune with sexual connection. Okay? The key is to connect. If you're the masculine, connect emotionally with your spouse every single time. It will help you guys, because if you can't be vulnerable. Emotionally with your wife, okay? Or vice versa. You're not going to get to a place of sexual vulnerability period. That's really important. So realizing that the the masculine will connect more emotionally after sex, the the feminine likes to connect more emotionally before sex. So play off of that. Okay? So ladies, if you're wanting more emotional connection with your spouse, sexual connection is important. If you always play the game that he's never going to get any sexual connection unless there's per connection unless there's perfect emotional connection. That's a tough game of stalemate. Now, on the men's side, which I believe it is the man's primary responsibility to keep this cycle healthy. Men, if you want to have sex, if you want sexual connection, be an emotional rock star. Don't worry about being the king of sex. Okay, like you, you probably don't need to be the king of sex. Okay? If you can do X, Y and Z pretty well, you're probably gonna be fine. Okay, be the king of emotional connection. Look your spouse in the eye, ask her about her day care, about her day care, about her life. Help her with the kids. If you have kids, try to approach sexual connection, not at 11:30pm after you've watched TV for two hours, after you've eaten junk food. Any of that like make sex sacred, set aside time for it. Okay? Another piece of this is the tension between masculine and feminine. Okay, men want to lead. Women want to be led. That is what their biological states. Do? I know women that are awesome leaders, yes? Do? I know men that are great leaders, but also really great followers, yes. But if you are in a marriage where you've got a healthy, relatively healthy man and woman, okay, I believe that it is in our nature that the masculine is called the lead and the feminine is called to be led. Okay. You have to exist in those roles to create polarity, okay, if both of you are trying to lead, then you've got two masculine energies. If both of you are trying to submit, you've got two feminine energies, okay? And so usually, like for Rachel and I if, if Rachel's acting masculine, I'm not attracted to her, because I'm not attracted to men, okay? I
Unknown Speaker 46:50
mean, yeah. I
Austin Holt 46:50
mean, just chat. Just, yeah, that's true. Just, yeah, that's true. Just, Chaz, you know, it's like my biceps are trying to grow, like his beard, you know, we're getting there, you know? And vice versa. It's like if I'm acting feminine, okay, if I'm waiting for Rachel to lead me, if I'm waiting for her to take responsibility, if I'm waiting for her to initiate sex, then I'm acting feminine. And now we've got two feminines. And Rachel's not attracted to women, she's attracted to me a man, okay? So understanding that from a biological perspective, okay? And in the world, we'll try to argue this. And there's, there's no evidence for it, okay? Actually, the evidence is, is that even in homosexual couples, there's usually what a masculine and a feminine on both sides of the table. Okay, you can cut that out if you want. I don't know if you want to go there or not, but anyways, but that's there, so making sure that your energies are right is so important. Okay, masculine men lead, okay? And feminine women want to be led. Okay? It's not even about the word submitting. It's like, I want to be led. Okay? And so like most women that want the prize of like being pursued and loved, cared for, protected, opportunities, seen, all these things given to them, it's going to be found in trusting the leadership of a high quality man. Well, men, if you want your wife to actually follow you, be a good leader. Be a great leader, be a man of integrity. Do what you say you're gonna do. The number one way to erode your spouse's trust is to not do what you say you're gonna do. That's one of the ultimate killers of all intimacy, especially sexual intimacy, is if you tell your wife even something simple, I'm gonna get milk on the way home. Okay, I'm gonna get milk, goat's milk, because I don't, I don't drink cow milk. I'm gonna get goat's milk on the way home. And you don't do it. Yeah? She's like, you literally didn't do what you said you were gonna do. Yeah, can't trust you. And if I can't trust you, how can I trust you with my naked body? Yeah? Like, how can I trust you with my sexual experience? If I can't trust you to get the freaking milk? Okay, so men lead Well, be a man worth being led by, and women, if you're not willing to butt heads with your man on everything, he'll give you the freaking moon. He'll literally call Elon and get you the moon. He'll get you Mars. Okay, I wouldn't be surprised if Chaz brings home Mars for Julie would not shock me.
Chaz Wolfe 49:02
Well, that could be an interesting conversation, because, you know, Julie has some interesting thoughts on the earth.
Austin Holt 49:07
Oh, another episode part two. We gotta get Elon here. Yo.
Chaz Wolfe 49:11
I thought you gonna say Julie here. Like both, both, they both have some very interesting thoughts that would probably conflict
Austin Holt 49:18
dude. That's part two. We should legit ask him just in the chance you never know. You never you really might be
Chaz Wolfe 49:24
busy saving America, saving
Austin Holt 49:25
America. Yes, dollars now. So, dude,
Chaz Wolfe 49:28
Austin, you're incredible. Your mind is is just unbelievably sharp. The listener right now is like, Dude, this is incredible. And they and they can see it. You made it so plain. How can they contact you? How can they find you? How can they engage with you? How can they hire you? All the fun stuff,
Austin Holt 49:47
awesome. Well, my home address is just kidding. Yeah, it's terrible. Yeah, careful, careful. It's not that hard to figure out. But yeah, so if you check out conscious Christian marriage.com you're gonna really see everything about us. Yes, you're going to be at the the aperture of the rabbit hole, and from there, if you've got the courage and you love yourself enough to dive deep, then enter the rabbit hole through some portal on the website, but conscious Christian marriage.com and you can also find us in the GTK space. So come hang out with us at a GTK event as well.
Chaz Wolfe 50:18
In fact, next weekend, we're gonna be Colorado, at a castle, at a castle, because that's how we roll. That's how because that's where kings and queens belong, in a freaking castle and and working on our marriages. That's
Austin Holt 50:30
right, you know, it's
Chaz Wolfe 50:30
funny, I had, I had two couples this week, actually, three that I was talking to, one ended up not being able to go. But it was like, you know, like, what? Tell me about the event and this, that and this, that and the other and I was like, well, so first off, this is not a, like, newbie, yeah, you know, we're gonna, like, come together and, like, be married. This is we're gonna go deep. It's gonna, it's gonna be work, like, the weekend is gonna be work. But on the other side of it, gosh, I don't, I can't imagine you guys being the same, yeah, that's right. And, and they won't be to two couples. That was like, we're in, and one was like,
Austin Holt 51:06
Well, I think I broke my rib after the last
Chaz Wolfe 51:07
event. That's right, you know, that's a part three, part 30,
Austin Holt 51:11
I don't know. That's right, yeah, that's right. Oh, man, awesome. Thanks
Chaz Wolfe 51:13
for being here. Thanks for having me, man, I
Austin Holt 51:15
appreciate your time. Yeah, you too, man, you.
Do you approach your marriage with the same dedication as your business? Well, turns out that might be the key to unlocking not just a thriving relationship with your spouse but also greater success in your business! Joining us today to unpack the powerful connection between your marriage and business success is Austin Holt, founder of Conscious Christian Marriage. Austin explains how emotional vulnerability, clearly defined roles, and prioritizing intentional time together can transform your marriage into a powerhouse that fuels every aspect of your life.
Austin Holt:
Austin’s Website: https://austinjholt.com/
Austin on IG: https://www.instagram.com/austinjholt/?hl=en
Austin on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/austinjholt/
Conscious Christian Marriage Podcast: https://www.youtube.com/@consciouschristianmarriage
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