479 | Marrying Right Boosted My Success

Sep 30

00:00
Chaz Wolfe
When we pick the right person and we have the same agreement, we have the same values, we have the same context, the same way we want to do life the same direction, and we're going to, like, actually go all in. It doesn't matter what the circumstances is or how long we've been together. That power that we're talking about, that mastermind power, where something is literally created that wasn't there before. And so Julie and I have created that. But then as we've gotten to know each other better and better, better, we've become more intentional, so that mastermind power grows. The unfortunate part is that there might be people listening right now who, unlike you, not been divorced, but they've been married for a long time, like me, but they haven't been intentional, and so they have no power in their marriage. What's up?
00:39
Chaz Wolfe
Driven to win nation. Chaz and Jake, coming back to you. Thank you for joining into this episode. We're going to go deep on success, specifically how marriage or marrying the right spouse impacts your success. Jake tells a story about how his dad gave him some pretty special pieces of nugget wisdom at such a young age, but 21 suggestions of success, and at the top of that list is marrying the right person. And so we go deep on how that's impacted both Jake and my story and the results of. We also talk about how Chaz Wolf would fill his pipeline of prospects if I was dating and trying to get married in 2024. So don't miss that.
01:24
Chaz Wolfe
And probably most powerfully, we talk about how the marriage or your spouse relationship impacts all areas of your life and how getting that right and intentionally doing it can bring power in all areas of your life. So buckle up. Get your pen. As always, get ready to learn.
01:41
Jake Isaacs
Here we go, jazz man. Excited to chat with you today. You know, for the listener who doesn't know this, I've got a brother who's 16 months younger than I am. He and I were buddies growing up, right? Just best friends. We were one grade apartheid. And so, like, everything that my parents did for me, they did for him and vice versa. And so when were, I don't know, probably nine and eight or eight and seven, something like that, my dad came home with posters for each of us, for our room. And this is a big deal because they didn't let us decorate our own bedrooms at all. Like, we didn't get to personalize them, really. And so the poster was like, it was kind of a big deal, and it was.
02:22
Jake Isaacs
This poster was called the 21 suggestions for success by an author by the name of Jackson Brown. Okay. And so, to this day, Chaz, my brother's 41 years old, still has this poster hanging in his garage, the original one that my parents gave us. I have no idea.
02:39
Chaz Wolfe
He didn't take them as suggestions.
02:42
Jake Isaacs
Oh, no, he didn't take them as suggestions. He's like, yeah, but the number one suggestion on this list was marry the right person. This decision will determine 90% of your happiness.
02:53
Chaz Wolfe
Geez, ain't that the truth?
02:56
Jake Isaacs
So you and I have two very opposite sides of the coin when it comes to marrying the right person and our experiences around marriage and love and family and stuff like that.
03:10
Chaz Wolfe
Yeah.
03:10
Jake Isaacs
And so if it's okay with you today, I would love to just spend some time talking about what it means for you to have married the right person and how that's played out in your life. And then I can give some context to what that's played out for, like, in my life.
03:26
Chaz Wolfe
Yeah. I mean, I think you're spot on, dude. I mean, first off, that should be. It's number one. Number one on purpose, because it's not the only person I've heard say. It's one of the, if not the most important decisions, especially for entrepreneurs, that we marry the right person, remember, the right partner.
03:41
Jake Isaacs
Right. So I pulled just a couple of statistics currently. Right now, in the United States, the CDC says that in the United States, the divorce rates about 42%. However, the percentage of marriages that end in divorce depend on how many times someone's been married. So first marriages, 41% divorce rate, second marriages, 60% divorce rate. Third marriage is 73% divorce rate. And then, because I know this is the world that you and I both live in, if you're an entrepreneur or small business and it's your first marriage, you got a 50% chance of that marriage working out.
04:23
Chaz Wolfe
Yeah, it's crazy. That's crazy. I mean, those are, like, not great odds.
04:29
Jake Isaacs
No, I'm not going to Vegas on those odds at all.
04:32
Chaz Wolfe
No, no.
04:34
Jake Isaacs
Yeah.
04:35
Chaz Wolfe
I guess as a young person, you don't really realize that you're just in love and you just make the decision, which is part of probably the problem.
04:43
Jake Isaacs
So, for the listener who doesn't know a lot about your history, you want to talk a little bit about how you met Julie, when you met Julie, and kind of some of your beginning courting stages.
04:55
Chaz Wolfe
Yeah, for sure. I mean, kind of just mentioned there, we got married at 21 and 20, met three years before that in high school, 18 and 17. She's a junior in high school, I was a senior, and basically our previous relationships had ended within kind of like the same 24 hours window, which was kind of odd. And I saw her the next day and through the course of a couple of days, got her number and asked her to prom. And we ended up hanging out a couple times, but kind of to fast forward that we did spend three years together before we got married. And I just think that Julie and I have always been intentional, not necessarily always the best or perfect by any means at all.
05:32
Chaz Wolfe
We are both well thought out, as much as you can be with your current understanding of things in life. I'm way more well thought out now than I was at 19 or 20 or 21. But for a 21 year old, I knew that I wanted to be married. I knew that there was value in having a life partner, even though I was raised in a single mom household. So I never got to see the power of marriage. I never got to see the power of what we call maybe the ultimate mastermind with your marriage. I never got to see that actually anywhere. Like, there was no example of that anywhere, just either singleness or divorce in my family and really just people around me.
06:16
Chaz Wolfe
I mean, there was a couple of maybe families that I was connected to, but it wasn't like I was super duper close to be able to see that in action. And so that's probably the most odd thing about Julie and I, that were attracted to each other at such a young age and then knowing the history. And so, yeah, 21 to 20, we get married. We had been engaged for about a year, but just kind of even going backwards, I asked. We dated for a year, and so I'm 19, she's 18. I waited for her to graduate high school. I thought if I asked her parents to marry her while she was still in high school, that might be a little odd. I would have totally married her still then I knew for sure what I was doing.
06:59
Chaz Wolfe
But I waited for that summer after her high school graduation and just sat down with her parents and said, hey, you know, want to marry your daughter, blah, blah, but I'm giving you like a 910 month heads up. And I thought that was, you know, generous and. And well thought out in itself, and they appreciated that. And. And so then when I asked them or asked her, sorry, nine months later or so, then we waited for about a year, like 1011 months, whatever it was. So three years of kind of dating, being together, being engaged, and then got married at 21 and 20 and moved from Columbia, where were from. And into Kansas City and her jumping into school and me jumping into sales and figuring out life together.
07:41
Jake Isaacs
Yeah. And then. So for the listener who doesn't know, my story is very different. Currently 42 years old, twice divorced. I got married with my first wife when I was 23. She was 20. And I had met my first wife right around the same time that you and Julie had gotten engaged.
08:04
Chaz Wolfe
Yeah. Yeah.
08:06
Jake Isaacs
So, yeah, she and I were married. Sorry, go ahead.
08:09
Chaz Wolfe
No, I was gonna say, big difference there. You're right. I mean, you're talking about the same basically 20 year window with two completely different stories. I mean, y'all had. We had basically gotten married and engaged at the same time. And the current day status is very different. Which is your point.
08:26
Jake Isaacs
Yeah. Yeah. And so my first ex wife and I, were married for seven years before we got divorced. And it's funny, Chaz, like, looking back on it, and both of my ex wives are wonderful people and they're doing amazing things with their lives and there's no ill will and it just wasn't the right fit at the right time. I totally know that my first ex wife and I, we should have never gotten married. It was just a decision that we made when were young and I didn't have enough intestinal fortitude or gumption to say no when I knew it wasn't going to be right.
09:02
Chaz Wolfe
Yeah. I mean, I was going to say I could. I could hold some towards whether. Whether they're good people or not. But I'll let you keep with the good story and the good faith, and I appreciate you.
09:17
Jake Isaacs
Yeah, well, you've met both of them, so you know, you know a little bit more.
09:23
Chaz Wolfe
Yeah, I mean, I think. I think that I. And we can move on from this, but for the listeners who are getting to know you, there's been a couple shows now where you're on and you're going to be involved with this show a little bit more. And as we build out the gathering, the Kings community, people will get to know your story. And the cool thing is that even though you've been through a different road, which is kind of part of this episode here, I guess, is we're going to talk about the differences, is that we can both share the experiences and still be able to help people.
09:49
Chaz Wolfe
And so if you're listening right now and you've been divorced or you're still married, the episode here is going to not just give you the story of two people, but it's going to give you some insight that's going to help you currently with what you've got. So I just appreciate your openness to be able to share and, of course, just your kindness towards people. You're the. You're the best person that I know. As I've introduced you many times. The fact that you would say that about your ex wives is amazing. Just speaks to your maturity.
10:13
Jake Isaacs
Yeah. Thank you. I appreciate that. So you're a young married couple trying to figure out life together. And when I got married, it was the first time I'd lived with anyone that wasn't my family.
10:28
Chaz Wolfe
Right. Yeah.
10:29
Jake Isaacs
And so there was not only trying to figure out what husband and wife looked like, but, like, how do two people coexist in a small space? You know, those very early days of life, it's humble beginnings, and it's know, trying to figure out how to stretch the most with just little that you have. And so when you were first getting started in sales with Julie and she was going to school and you were planning out what this looks like, and we know now that a couple of years into that process, you start evaluating to purchase businesses, and the rest of the story is history at this point. But how was her partnership or companionship paramount in all of these little decisions where you're, like, climbing that rung to the next. Climbing to the next rung on the ladder?
11:25
Chaz Wolfe
Yeah. Well, I'm sure my language is going to come out in little blippets of pieces that come from think and grow rich. And so if you're following along and you're liking what I'm about to say over the next probably few minutes, it's probably somewhere in thinking we're rich. But he talks about the mastermind principle, and he talks about two or more minds working in harmony, specifically with the husband and wife. There's an element of the feminine and the masculine and what the masculine can do when the feminine is feminine. And so I just think that without knowing any of that, necessarily, Julie and I were doing it. We didn't know what were doing. We were just trying to serve each other. Now, the early years were us too aggressive, too ambitious, too full of life. People growing up together is really what it was.
12:16
Chaz Wolfe
I mean, we literally grew up together. And so I think the first couple years, there were moments of wonder of, like, not necessarily would we ever get divorced. That was a commitment that we had made from the beginning that would never be a thing and never a word that we would use. But it was like, oof, I need to call someone after that drag out, you know, opportunity a learning opportunity, as our marriage coaches like to say. And so outside of just the wrinkle of just, like, you're talking about just getting to know each other and living life together and the annoying things that you do, because as soon as you start sleeping or sharing space together, you know, she's still beautiful, but it's like, hey, when you do this is annoying or whatever, fill in the blank, you know?
13:01
Chaz Wolfe
And so those things start to really take effect, you know, total side note here, but some of these things that I learned from, you know, early on marriage with Julie, but also having a roommate right before that, is that I now have my kids doing certain things of sharing space together for that exact reason, because I don't want them to be surprised when they get married that another human does things a little different and how that might agitate them a little bit. And I think that's healthy and good, and then we're trying to automatically facilitate with our children, but those little things can become bigger. It's good to get ahead around, like, how do we navigate life together? The practical things that you're talking about? But the mastermind principle goes deeper than that.
13:45
Chaz Wolfe
It's Julie being able to be fully in her feminine and flowy and excited about life and feel safe, and for me to be able to charge the hill and go provide for the family and really take risks and freely be able to do that without the what might feel like a weighted feeling or a nagging feeling that a lot of men kind of describe. So there's this thing that I had to do was create a safe environment and this place that she had to be of being an incredible support. That doesn't necessarily mean that she didn't have her own ambitions. She was very much in school, becoming a dental hygienist, top of our class, like, own ambitions completely.
14:25
Chaz Wolfe
But the way that the marriage works a little bit more in the traditional sense, at least that's how we've done it, is that I'm going to forge the hill, I'm going to charge, I'm going to create targets and goals, and I'm going to go conquer for us, and she's going to play a role inside of that somehow. But really, it's like I can go be a ten if she's a ten. So I first had to kind of create a space for her to be a tendency, and then because of that, I could then go be all I was meant to be. I don't know if I could be. I don't even know if I'm a ten, necessarily, but let's say I'm a ten today. It's because of the insert energy infusion support.
15:07
Chaz Wolfe
Fill in the blank with, however you're going to call it, of Julie. I am who I am, of course, of the things that I've done and the decisions that I've made. But there's been this one consistent thing, Julie, throughout all of it, you know, as of as aggressive as an italian as that one thing is, it's still very consistent and has been, you know, the center. The centerpiece of pretty much why I've done what I've done.
15:39
Jake Isaacs
Yeah, I love that you talk about consistency because, you know, when we talk about habit setting or, you know, how to get to the next goal, the underlying thing that you need to develop is consistency. Right. If you want to lose weight, you've got to consistently eat right or get to the gym or increase your steps. If you want to get smarter, you've got to consistently read. And I think that's the thing that has, I have found in my life has been very herky jerky because I'm in this relationship and then it ends and, like, everything starts over again and then I'm in a new relationship. And so whereas you and Julie have been able to, at this point, almost 20 years, build consistent life with each other, that has not been my story and that has not been my case.
16:32
Chaz Wolfe
Yeah, you're right. There's exponential returns. There's growth in that. It's the same reason why they tell you to invest a little bit consistently over the course of time. It's not about the one investment that you're going to make that's going to make you rich. It's about doing it consistently over the cost of weeks or months or years. I guess what I would say is that just like a financial person would tell, you know, a listener who hasn't invested any at all. Okay, fine. Get started today. And same approach. It might. It might need to be a larger amount for you, but the method is still the same. The method is get started, find that number and invest and just. And just do it regularly, consistently over the course of time.
17:21
Chaz Wolfe
And so that's what I would say to you, Jake, or other people, even though there is this immense power that Julie and I have, that doesn't mean that you or any of the listeners who have either a been through divorce or in a new relationship or maybe even not. Not married at all yet just single listening, that they can't experience that within a short amount of time, because going back to the original thing of picking the right person, the reason why some of those maybe powerful things weren't there, which then enabled to hold on for actual persistence through those marriage is for you, is because it wasn't the right person, you know?
17:56
Chaz Wolfe
And so when we pick the right person and we have the same agreement, we have the same values, we have the same context, the same way, we want to do life the same direction, and we're going to, like, actually go all in, then it doesn't matter what the circumstances is or how long we've been together. That power that we're talking about, that mastermind power, where something is literally created that wasn't there before. And so Julie and I have created that. But then as we've gotten to know each other better and better and better, we've become more intentional, so that mastermind power grows. The unfortunate part is that there might be people listening right now who, unlike you, not been divorced, but they've been married for a long time, like me, but they haven't been intentional. And so they have no power in their marriage.
18:38
Chaz Wolfe
And so they're wondering whether this is just the dread of life or if they should get divorced or if they're just going to have a partner to live with forever. But it doesn't feel powerful. And so just because you've been married 20 years doesn't necessarily mean that the power exists. It, it requires intentionality. Whether it's over the long haul or for someone like you who's going to get into a relationship with somebody, you know, in 2024, 2025, and start that power, you can start achieving that power right away, you know?
19:08
Jake Isaacs
Yeah, I think that's great. You know, when we look at our society and the romanticism around relationships, how much does love actually play into your continued decision to be married to Julie?
19:30
Chaz Wolfe
Gosh, that is such a good but open question. And, I mean, first off, we have to define love. I mean, there's so many different definitions of love. And I guess, really, the simplest way that I could say it is that she's like nobody in my life. She's not like my mom or grandma. She's not like my siblings. She's not like my dad, who I met, you know, when I was 24 years old. She's not like my children because she's my wife. There's an element of that I care and serve and protect, like some of those other people I've just mentioned. But then there's also this you know, the sexual energy between us, which is obviously very natural in a marriage setting, but that is unlike any other relationship that I have.
20:14
Chaz Wolfe
And sexual energy is probably the most powerful force that we have to manipulate. And again, you can find this right in thinking you're rich, but the reality remains that how do I press into that? How do I continue to love? Or how do I squeeze the most juice out of love? Well, first off, it's a choice of, you know, and that's the love, protect, provide. Like, that is a choice that I made. I chose to marry her. I chose to take care of her, and I will do those things because of duty. That is my duty. I will do so because I said I would do so, period. And I will always do that. And she can count on me for that.
20:57
Chaz Wolfe
And I will build a history, and I will continue to build a history of loving her, which underneath that, the definition is providing, protecting. You know, all the things that we kind of just got done mentioning, I will do those things from duty. I will do. I will love her from an honor perspective because putting her in a special place of honor is what makes us or the relationship new and fresh. And they talk about, you know, like, keeping things, you know, hot and fresh. It's like that isn't just always sexual. Yes, that's fine. We can get there. But the piece of honor is like, no, I value you. I don't want to just protect you because I said I was going to. I'm going to do those things. Plus, I'm going to treat you uniquely because I value you.
21:45
Chaz Wolfe
And that might look like roses, it might look like rubbing her back, it might look like taking the kids. I mean, who knows? But because I hold her in a particular place, she's my best friend. She's the one I want to be with. I want to spend time with. I don't want to be without her. I couldn't imagine life without her. I, you know, and then, of course, the last piece really is that sexual intimacy. And again, like, completely unashamed. We're probably going to get her on the podcast and do some down and dirty sex talks because it is so important. I need to be as a man, I need to be physically attracted to her. And she's.
22:21
Chaz Wolfe
We've never, ever, ever talked about, like, her, you know, staying fit or being pretty or those things for me, although she recognizes that there's an element of, like, I desire to be attracted to her. That's kind of a masculine, feminine context there. But she does it for herself. She wants to look good. She wants to feel good. She wants to beautiful. And so she has her own self worth that she's doing those things for. And then I just get to be second place of, like, hey, she's pretty, you know? And I want to be attracted to her. And then even more than just the attraction, we want to have amazing intimacy together. And so we create time for that. Like, we have four kids under ten. Like, we have to, like, schedule that stuff and talk about it.
23:06
Chaz Wolfe
And she knows what I like, and I know what she likes, and we explore, and, like, all, you know, we can go down that rabbit trail. But it's important is what I'm trying to say. It's not just, hey, you got five minutes. You know, it's. It's a thing. It's like this thing that we hold, and we're like, oh, no. This is, like, this beautiful thing that we get to, like, dive into. Sure, sometimes it. It. You know, the quickie happens, but the reality of it is that this thing that we're holding is actually really important. So whether I'm providing, protecting, you know, whatever I'm doing on the love piece first, then I'm doing it out of honor. Then I'm doing it out of, you know, maybe intimacy.
23:45
Chaz Wolfe
And those three things, to me, I mean, probably more, but, I mean, that's how I'm loving Julie. At least, that's how I'm trying to love her.
23:52
Jake Isaacs
What would you say to the audience member that's listening to this or watching this? And they're like, yeah, chaz, I hear you, but you don't understand my situation.
24:03
Chaz Wolfe
Yeah. That person is speaking from an empty cup, and I don't know that person's story. You know, I don't know what that person's husband or wife has done or hasn't done, but that phrase comes from a place of exhaustion and feeling. Not seen, heard, felt respected, honored, loved. And so what I would say to that person would be in the depth of that moment of, ugh, can they be honest with themselves about how much they've poured out to the other person? And maybe they can say with a clear conscious that they're good. Most likely, their response has been from an empty cup. I mean, we could just dissect that sense that you asked that question fairly negative. Like, if we want to categorize positive or negative, would we polarize it as a positive energy or a negative energy?
24:58
Chaz Wolfe
Well, I mean, obviously it would be a negative energy. Okay, well, so if that's where they're at. There's nothing that's okay to acknowledge that, but let's be honest. They're probably responding to their spouse with that same general negative energy. And so there's. There's lots of books and even a couple movies on. On this kind of like, you know, pour out from a place of what you don't have yet, you know? And so in that scenario, that person needs to really be honest, look themselves in the mirror, and go, am I even. Am I even being the spouse that I would want? You know, because that's really often where it starts, especially when they've been together for a long time and people are just, you know, they're grown. They're growing apart. We don't love each other anymore.
25:39
Chaz Wolfe
All that really means is that there's been enough time to where you haven't been intentionally bringing it back together. And so that first step is to go, hey, look, you could change it. Hey, you, listener. Right now. You could change it today. This week. It may not actually change fully this week, today, but it can start today by you saying, I'm gonna be intentional about how I wake up with my spouse, how I greet my spouse, how I talk to my spouse, how I, you know, whatever. Yeah.
26:09
Jake Isaacs
Yeah. You know, that intentionality piece. And I know that's a common theme through everything that you do in life, which is really the superpower behind your success, but that's a different topic for a different day. You'd mentioned earlier about it being a decision.
26:27
Chaz Wolfe
Yeah.
26:27
Jake Isaacs
You've. You've made a commitment and you've decided to be with this person.
26:32
Chaz Wolfe
Yeah.
26:32
Jake Isaacs
And I. It's hard when everyone around you is telling you it's about the feeling and the love and, you know, the way she makes you feel or the way he makes you feel, but it can't be like that all, every day. Like, some days you just got to decide to love someone through the pain and through the hurt and through the bad and through the negative things, for sure. Talk about some of those times where things weren't sunshine and rainbows and it's a decision just to move forward because you made a commitment.
27:08
Chaz Wolfe
Yeah. I mean, my. Maybe it's a superpower. My superpower in this is that I forget easily. I really. I just don't hold grudges. We have a little spat of whatever and, you know, as long as I get a good night's rest, it's like it never happened to I wake up the next morning and basically hit the delete button, you know, she's not like that. And so that's even maybe caused some issues of things that she still wants to talk about that I thought were behind us, you know? But I guess what I would say is, I can even think of just this month, you know, some little things that. Where. I mean, we have. We have weekly meetings. We. We have, like, intentional time where we're, like, talking about, like, how did I show up for you?
27:54
Chaz Wolfe
We schedule time together to be together, but then also we schedule intimacy. That might seem weird, but we have young kids, and that's the only way to get it done at the current stage in life. But we're extremely intentional. And then inside of that, it still happens where there's just a disconnect of communication. And so I can't remember the exact circumstance, but I can remember in the last month, I think there's been one or two times where it's just like, dang, we just didn't quite. Quite hit. I think the. I think the book love and respect talks about how, like, I have a blue microphone and blue earphones, and she's got a pink microphone and pink earphones. And so whatever she was saying out of her pink microphone came into my blue earphones, and I was like, what are you talking about?
28:38
Chaz Wolfe
And so how I choose to move on from that is, like, I definitely try to make myself clear. We have a process now to where we can kind of, like, wave the white flag and go, whoa. Emotions might be high, or we might be stuck in a moment, she or I, but we basically want to grab each other's consciousness and go, hey, whoa, whoa. We're on the same team. We're married. We love each other. You're hot. Maybe that's not exactly what I'm. But I'm thinking that all the time anyway, and I want to bring it back because of the power that we're about to lose. Right? And so that the tactical piece here, even though I can't give you the exact circumstance, is in the moment going, how can I communicate? How can I slow down my thoughts?
29:26
Chaz Wolfe
How can I slow down my speech? How can I get her attention in a way that's honoring, of course, how can we go back and forth in a short bit? Or maybe do we need to schedule a time where we need to talk about this further? But we need to work through what you're saying and what I'm hearing. What I'm saying, what you're hearing, because we're nothing connecting. We just gotta. We just gotta line up the pink with the blue.
29:47
Jake Isaacs
Yeah. That's awesome. So marrying the right person, 90% of your happiness.
29:55
Chaz Wolfe
Yeah, dude.
29:56
Jake Isaacs
Someone who is unmarried, young in their life, or someone in my situation. What recommendation do you have about finding the right person? How do you find the right person? Chazdongenhe.
30:11
Chaz Wolfe
I actually feel like I'm going to give you a fantastic answer, Jake, but I feel like this might be a little bit systemized, a little bit business through a business filter or lens. I have told friends of even you and I that we both know that. Think of one specific guy. You don't want to be married. Bad enough. He's like, of course I want to be married. What are you talking about? Da da. Got these dreams and hopes, and I'm like, nah, you don't want to be married. What are you talking about? Like, well, first off, here's what I would do if I were you. If you actually find value in finding a mate, a person to do life with, where you can love them, they can love you, and you can add value. It's not a 50, it's 100. Right.
30:59
Chaz Wolfe
Then you need to do some tactical things. Like, okay, if I'm trying to find a new salesperson or a new whatever for my business, what do I need to do? Well, I need to define what those things are. Okay, great. Well, you can get on to the old spouse and create your list of the perfect person. That's not exactly what I mean, but sure, start there. But. But then you have to start meeting people. And, you know, I say, back in my day, I didn't use dating apps because I actually got married before those things existed. But I would be on dating apps. I'd be on dating apps. I'd be taking many women to coffee and because I would be wanting to, because I know it's a numbers game. Again, this is a business hiring sales mindset. I just know it's a numbers game.
31:38
Chaz Wolfe
In order to find one that I want to marry, I'm going to have to go on 100 dates or maybe a thousand dates. I don't know. I'm just going to start the process of filling my pipeline. But even inside of that, I'm a personality person. So I'm going to get a personality profile. I'm going to ask them certain questions. I'm going to be really curious, pointed in a way that gives me information that lets me know whether we're going to be compatible and not just compatible, like, could we make this work? But, like, do I want to? Am I, am I, like, magnetized to this person. I didn't know that's what was happening when I was 18 years old to Julie.
32:12
Chaz Wolfe
Now, granted, some of that magnification may have been sexually related, even though weren't doing that back then as an 18 year old, I may have just been thinking in that way. I actually think this was happening underneath that, this just natural magnetism of, like, our two spirits are two, you know, like, who we are, knowing that, like, ooh, that one, you know? And so whether you call that a personality assessment, whether you call it just a gut feeling, I don't know. People are going to define that differently. But, you know, basically, we need to get, you know, a whole slew of coffee shop. In fact, we can just buy a coffee shop and we'll set your office up in there, and I'll just. Just. I'll just run the ladies through until we get one.
32:59
Jake Isaacs
Gosh, I don't know how that's turned into me all of a sudden, but, yeah.
33:03
Chaz Wolfe
And I don't mean just get a woman. Like, I would. I would. In that. In that scenario, for the listener, for you, whatever. It's like, this is somebody that should make you, like, heart skip a beat, and, like, you should get excited and, like, everything should come back to life again. And then obviously, there's some tactical pieces to that. Like, what's the personality? What do they do? Like, how do we, you know, at 42, like, that's a different conversation than at 18. You know, weren't thinking career and 20 year vision. Like, these are absolutely some of the things that you're going to meet with. And since we use personality assessments, like, you know exactly who's a good fit for you, and if homegirl doesn't have meet the profile, then you shouldn't even take her coffee.
33:45
Jake Isaacs
Yeah, yeah, but what you're saying, I, like, I understand it. I'm on the same page 100%. Like, the personality test, the numbers game, all of that. Like, I get that, but how do you combat. That's not romantic. That's not love. That's not.
34:03
Chaz Wolfe
Yeah. I'm going to share some information that Julie and I have learned from Austin and Rachel Holt, who. Who do a lot of our marriage coaching, not only with us personally, but then also inside of gathering the kings, is that when a clear ask is made now they use it in the context of the feminine asking the masculine. The feminine typically doesn't make a clear ask. They're very rounded and flowy. Like, well, if he loved me, he would, you know, whatever. And it's, like, not really what she's asking. And the masculine works. Like, if I just hear it exactly how you want it, I will go do it for you. In fact, I would be honored to go do it for you. I would stop everything I'm doing to go do that.
34:44
Chaz Wolfe
That thing right there for you because I love you, but because you didn't ask, clearly, then I can't go do it. And so I take that context, and I apply it to, why wouldn't I make a clear ask of who I'm looking for? X, y, and z. So inside of what their coaching is around, that is, it feels to the feminine. Like, if I have to tell him that I like a foot massage or that I want a foot massage, then it feels as if, like he just is doing it. Not because he didn't, like, think of it on his own. I want him to think of it on his own. It's like, well, that's unrealistic.
35:14
Chaz Wolfe
Not to say that he can't think of it on his own, but just tell him that you want it, and I guarantee you he's going to stop what he's doing and go, I would love to. And he would start rubbing your feet, and you, in that moment, are, as a woman, going, well, he didn't think of it on his own. He doesn't love me. It's like, no, no. Actually, I really do love you, and I would. And I'm so thankful that you made a clear ask. And now here I am to rub your feet. That's the same type of scenario as what we're describing here. Going like, I'm.
35:43
Jake Isaacs
There's.
35:44
Chaz Wolfe
There can be romanticism here. We can still. Look, all I'm talking about is connecting with the right one. We still need to go to fun dates, and we're gonna check out the royals, and we're gonna go do museums together. We're gonna go do dinners, and we're gonna go do x, and when we get married, we're gonna have fun sex, and, like, all the things, like, the romance can still be there, but, like, just make a clear ask. And in the case of dating into getting there, like, why not make a clear projection and then just hit the target? Right on. Why fool with the rest? You already done fooled with the rest, right?
36:16
Jake Isaacs
Yeah, yeah. Pivoting a little bit here, Chaz. For the last couple of years, through gathering the kings, we've been very intentional about setting up times for families and setting up environments for couples to continue to work on their marriage. You know, there's so much that can be done from a coaching and consulting perspective, just to help business owners with business. Why have you made the decision to wade into helping people inside of marriage and business?
36:47
Chaz Wolfe
Yeah, I actually appreciate that question because, you know, they are so different and most contexts are separate. Right. And I think that's actually why most people are drawn to gathering the kings, because. Because it's a place where both are on the table, not it's one or the other. And so the, to answer your question directly, it's because I believe that the mastermind principle is alive and well. That's why gathering the kings exist. I have businesses that have teams inside of those teams are humans, and we have a mastermind, the actual mastermind community that we're building. Gathering the kings is powerful because we are like minded. We have a. A singular target of living the exceptional life, and we come together to help each other do that. I just happen to believe that the marriage is the ultimate mastermind.
37:35
Chaz Wolfe
And so if I'm going to help a business owner make more money or have a more streamlined business, or create a mastermind inside of their own team. Unto what? So that they can buy a Lamborghini? Well, sure, okay, fine. But like. But once we get past some of that, like, what are we really doing all this for? Well, it's probably your family. It's probably legacy. It's probably the things that making you tick from either the things that you were given or things that you were kept from as a kid, and you want to express those things or whatever the subconscious is doing inside of you, but it's going to come out most likely as family. Let's just be honest. And if it's not, then you're probably on the wrong channel. You're not part of gathering the kings. And that's okay.
38:19
Jake Isaacs
Yeah.
38:20
Chaz Wolfe
And so that home or that homeowner that the business owner that comes to us, it's like, I want to. I want to triple my business. Fantastic. How, how's the thing going at the dinner table with the family? Do you see your wife? Like. No, not. Yes, she's beautiful. She's hot. You want to see her naked. I get it. But, like, do you see her? Does she feel seen? And those elements, although have nothing to do with the business. Have everything to do with the business.
38:49
Jake Isaacs
That's such a, you know, I've got this. I've got this memory. A couple of years ago, we hosted an in person event in Kansas City. We were getting ready to set up for it. We are not hours away. We are minutes away from people who had flown in from all across the country coming to your house for the first workshop, and your wife was having trouble with the electric fence around her chicken house. And we're setting things up, we're placing that, you know, and in that moment, you dropped everything that you were doing to go help with an electric fence around a chicken house because it was valuable to you.
39:28
Chaz Wolfe
Yeah.
39:28
Jake Isaacs
But the other part of that story is the way Julie showed up for you the rest of that weekend was unlike anything that I had seen in your relationship up to that point. And we've spent a. Some time together, buddy.
39:42
Chaz Wolfe
Yeah.
39:42
Jake Isaacs
And so I think that not being too busy to see your partner in those moments is something that business owners, they get so caught up with the minutiae of revenue generation, and I'm providing for my family, and why don't they appreciate this effort? I'm gone 16 hours a day busting my butt. I don't have time for family dinners.
40:05
Chaz Wolfe
Yeah.
40:06
Jake Isaacs
The business owner that's coming to us in that state.
40:10
Chaz Wolfe
Yeah.
40:11
Jake Isaacs
What are you saying to them?
40:13
Chaz Wolfe
Yeah, that. Are they. How's it going? How's that working out for you?
40:19
Jake Isaacs
Right.
40:19
Chaz Wolfe
And I would venture to say that, you know, that was me ten years ago, you know, all in on business, all in on growth, tripling down on expanding new locations and hiring new people. And I was doing it for my family, and I was. But that guy was, was not honing in on all things. I wasn't living to my potential. Right. And so potential is just your awareness, your consciousness of the current moment and being able to use all levers. I'm only not using something because either a. I've chosen not to and I'm a goofball, or I don't know about it. And so at that time, I didn't know that I was leaving levers. I didn't know what I was doing. I was pulling all the levers in business because that's what I knew, and I was all in on it.
41:09
Chaz Wolfe
Most business owners are all in there. We're obsessive type personalities. And so what has grown in me and that I would suggest for that person to grow in order for them to truly become all that they're made for, not just have a big business and make money, but. But to have the family have. Have a foundational faith, have a health, you know, it's the same intentionality that we're talking about. It's the same time that I spent this morning in prayer and meditation, as I did in the gym, as I did sending my wife an affirmation text. As I, soon as I get off this podcast, I'm going right downstairs to spend time with my family before I leave on an l cut. It's like every piece has to be intentional. And what am I trying to do by driving it?
41:48
Chaz Wolfe
That business owner you talked about is exhausted because they're driving all business things. And then when he comes home and he feels unappreciated and his wife is naggy or whatever, it's like, bro, you're the king. Your cup fills up theirs, and then what it truly is that she'll then fill up the cup. But, but you gotta come to places like gathering the kings to get around people that are, that can, you know, refresh you a little bit. And that's not a plug necessarily, for gathering the kings. It is. But what I mean by that's why we exist, is because you're alone. That business owner is alone. He or she feels like everywhere they turn, they're pouring out their team, their family, the community, their spouse. Like, I'm just always pouring out and I'm never being filled up. That's what they're saying.
42:35
Chaz Wolfe
And so they got to get around people. Like gathering the Kings to get filled up so that they can continue to pour out. And as they continue to pour out with intentionality, that's when the wife and, or the spouse and the kids and the community and their team even start to go, wow, like, we really appreciate him or her for doing the things that they do. It becomes a little bit more mutual that way. Hopefully that makes sense.
42:57
Jake Isaacs
Yeah, no, I think that's great. We have a couple years of data in doing these type of events. What do you see as the biggest opportunity for relationships to grow in?
43:12
Chaz Wolfe
That's a good question. I think that the routine of a relationship gets overlooked. And then I also think the experiential are what we talk about doing, but we often don't. And so the routine is every Friday night we've had a date night, like for over a decade now. For the majority of that decade, we've had young kids. And so we don't go anywhere because where are we going with little kids? But we sit right down here on the couch and we watch a movie and Julie makes brownies. Not because I like brownies and not because I like movies. I don't really care for either. I could go the rest of my life without either one of those. And be completely fine. But that's what fills up her cup. So we do every single Friday night, movie night, brownie night, and that's routine.
44:06
Chaz Wolfe
That would be really easy for us just to turn it into her doing her own little show, having our own little brownies and me working. That would be me not paying attention to the mundane, the little things, right? I will give you another example of the mundane. Every single day when I walk out of this office or this studio and I walk downstairs, I meet my wife with peace because. And she meets me with peace. We have an agreement around it. We talked about this at one of our last conferences because who knows? With running all the businesses that I have, what happened today. And when I step out of this room, there's frustrations on her end, there's frustrations on my end.
44:40
Chaz Wolfe
There's joys and successes and there's joys and successes and frustrations and who knows what the kids dealt her for that day or the house or the airbnbs that she's managing. So when we come together, it's see you, I love you, a kiss. And we're like that until the family is kids are down. And then if there's need for us to be feel supported, we're intentional about circling back, going, hey, can we sit down? Can we, can we sit down, talk and go back and forth? Because I need some support or whatever that language looks like at that time based on whatever happened that day. So that's the mundane, the routine that most people just don't do. They skip right over it. They're not paying close enough attention.
45:17
Chaz Wolfe
The big things, the experiential things are like, we talk about like one day we're going to move here or go to this vacation or I'll buy you that thing or whatever those things are. And as entrepreneurs, those things come easily for us because we got, we're big dreamers. We think big. Most of the times, though, we have a lack of follow through. What that does for our spouse is it creates a history of, yeah, he just talks about it. I don't actually believe him. And now that could just be on that one thing, but really subtly, what you're doing to your spouse is you're telling that person that I don't do what I say I'm going to do.
45:55
Chaz Wolfe
And so my challenge to that person on that side of it, the other, the more extreme can giving you two pendulums here is to make a big claim, vacation or whatever. Maybe you guys want to come on our next family mastermind trip that we do for families, but say it, then do it, and then repeatedly do those things because they're important and they're exciting and they're memories, like experiences that you can, like, stamp in your memory box. You know, not just have the pictures, but also just the experience of it all, the feeling, but. And then just keep doing it. Don't just be the guy that or the gal that just talks about it and never actually does it.
46:32
Jake Isaacs
Yeah, I think that's really good, Chaz. I know that Chaz Wolf would be or would have been successful in life if Julie Wolf wasn't in the picture. But what does having the right spouse, what does having Julie in your life mean to your success?
46:50
Chaz Wolfe
Yeah.
46:50
Jake Isaacs
And I. How is that success look different with her in the picture?
46:55
Chaz Wolfe
Yeah, man, I think I'd be worth millions and millions more if I didn't marry Julie. And some people might be like, oh, geez, I thought you said you'd be more successful with her. No, no, I have become more successful with her. I don't know what would have happened to me with millions and millions more with a wife that were different or maybe no wife at all. I don't know. I don't know if I'd be the same guy. In fact, I can confidently say I wouldn't be the same guy. I don't know what he would look like. But she's held me back. But she's held me right where I needed to because the success that we have or the trajectory that we're on, all those things are meant, you know, her. She and I are working this thing out together.
47:46
Chaz Wolfe
And so I joke by saying that she's held back. She hasn't held me back. She's made me who I am. I would be someone different now. I might have more money. I actually. I do think I'd have a lot more money. Not because she spends it, but because I wouldn't have something else to think about. Right. I would just. I would just be all in. I would be that guy that, you know, that's a billionaire who is all in, and he's got a girlfriend, and he's just kind of this thing. And that's not success to me, actually. You know, I don't actually want that. And so she hasn't held me back from anything. She's directed my efforts towards wholesome love, children, family, being a dad, pouring into the next generation, not just my children, but their children.
48:33
Chaz Wolfe
What real legacy is not just getting my name to be known on the Internet as a guru of sorts, which I really don't even care about that, but having my grandchildren, my great grandchildren have knowledge and wealth. Knowledge to know what to do with the wealth. So that whether it's our family name or just us, like, who knows if I'm actually going to be above the fireplace, I don't really care, but I'll stand in heaven one day with. Did you, were you faithful with your children, your grandchildren, your great. And I'll have, I want to be able to say I was. And that's where she's pulled me to.
49:09
Jake Isaacs
Yeah, man, that's good. Chaz, I appreciate this conversation so much.
49:15
Chaz Wolfe
We didn't, we didn't get to get into the nitty gritty of yours, so maybe there's a part two here.
49:21
Jake Isaacs
Yeah, no, I think it's good. I think it's good. If the listener is interested in finding out more of this family mastermind that you're talking about or wants to follow up with you based off some of the things they've heard you say today, what's the best way for them to do that?
49:37
Chaz Wolfe
Yeah, just gTk familymastermind.com of course, you can always go to our main website, gathering the kings. All of it's there. Our community. Of course, the family stuff is there. But we've got a trip coming up, 2025 to Punta Cana. And if you're listening to this sometime after June of 2025, then still go to that same website and we'll be going somewhere else. Beautiful. But yeah, we pull families together because it's important. The marriage piece. We do some marriage training and cool stuff with the kids and family vacation kind of all wrapped into one, but it's where we just work. We were talking about, you know, Julie and me and her, you know, keeping me from earning more millions. Really, what it is like those families recognize that this is what I'm made for. I'm made to really dial in on this one particular person.
50:34
Chaz Wolfe
That's my partner, my life relationship. And I want to go all in. I've already gone all in, but I'm going to continue to go all in. And because I do that, it immediately is a direct reflection or impact to my children, which then, of course, affects all the other things in our life.
50:52
Jake Isaacs
Awesome. Buddy, I appreciate your time and, you know, I just not only love and cherish both you and Julie and appreciate your friendship, but just the wisdom that you bring to all of these environments that you put yourself in. So thank you for sharing with us today. Appreciate you.
51:08
Chaz Wolfe
Thanks, Jake, man. You're a great facilitator. I appreciate you as well.

Can marriage actually fuel your professional success? If it’s not, then maybe it’s time to rethink your approach because your spouse could be your most powerful asset. In this episode, Jake Isaacs and I get into the nitty-gritty of why marrying the right person is the single most important decision you can make — especially for business owners. Beyond sharing our personal marriage stories, we break down how choosing the right spouse not only impacts your personal happiness but also elevates your business. I also share some insights from my marriage and how intentionality plays a huge role in keeping things strong. Plus, you’ll hear practical advice on building a “mastermind” marriage that supports both your personal and professional goals, and how Gathering The Kings can facilitate that.

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